Painted in early 1974, My Dilemma represents a real dilemma Christine was facing. After emigrating to France from England two years earlier, she found herself in extreme financial straits. She was torn between the life she loved in Provence, and the allure of moving to America with its solid prospects of making money and the benefit of being nearer to her two sons and newly arrived granddaughter.  The concept for the painting came to her in a dream, per her diary. The diary also notes her struggle rendering her own likeness to her satisfaction.  “5 faced portrait is proving far more diff. than expected. I ought to know my own face by now, but not backwards!”  In a letter with a small photograph she writes “Result of painting NO dilemma! Expressions were unplanned therefore presumably sub-conscious,” but she did add the tear to express her sadness about her children being so far away.

Symbolically, we can see her car ‘Daisy’, a Renault Quatrelle, takes a prominent position. On very close inspection you can just make out a small shadow for her in the front and a smaller shadow in the back seat for her cat, Kitchicot. The car represents her independence and mobility around the countryside.  Additionally, it represents her commitment to living in France as she had pre ordered the car for pick up in Paris when she first arrived in France compete with the trade in for her English car so she “would not be tempted to go back to England.” The provençal village and purple Alps in the distance, completes the peaceful and tranquil side of the painting. Separated by the ocean and in the distance is the USA side where you can see her two sons, daughter-in-law and grandchild. Behind them her ex-husband is portrayed in front of his enormous car. Behind that are the almighty dollar symbol with New York City beyond. Notice the extensive use of grey for the land over there as she always felt it seemed to be paved everywhere. Also on the unattainable or conflicted side of the painting in the lower corner is an unoccupied chaise lounge chair and umbrella by the water, symbolizing leisure time by the nearby lake.

I think that the completion of this painting helped her cement the decision to stay in France and while painting the picture she commits to a year’s lease on a flat that she would remain in for the next twenty one years until she died. The painting was a real struggle to complete, her diary records “now finished, anticipate[d] 21hrs. Changes will be 76hrs!! Don’t know if I like it or not!” I was never sure who the intended audience was for the painting, she exhibited it several times and hung it in her gallery for many years, often with a high price on it, most other times with a large N.F.S. sign. Personally, I’m glad she kept it so that I can have it hanging on my wall today.

Diary Entries